There Is No God
by Kazucchan
Summary: He lost all the courage to believe in God, let alone anything. He's tired of believing.
1. Chapter 1: Loss

"Shin-chan, could you tell me a story?"

Midorima tightened his hold around his friend and smiled. "What are you? A kid?"

"Just this once."

The thought that his friend's life was slowly ebbing away every passing minute and he couldn't do anything tormented him. But he wanted to be able to do something for Takao. Midorima didn't want to remain selfish forever.

He wished that the lump in his throat and the stinging pain behind his eyelids would just go away.

"Once upon a time, there was a boy who was always alone. His parents had great expectations of him, and he's scared that they'll leave him if he makes a mistake." Midorima recalled the times he thought of those things, but he wasn't affected anymore. He knew that that wasn't the case.

Midorima gently pat the smaller boy's head and continued.

"He excelled in his studies and in basketball. He was contented living in his own little world, not realizing that the way he's living will eventually lead to him isolating himself from the others."

"He knew. Deep inside, he knew that he was lonely. He may be stubborn, socially inept and hard to get along with, but all along, he longed to have friends. He wanted to have people who understood him, people who will accept him for who he is."

"He met good people during his middle school years. He played basketball with them, studied with them... The boy thought that that was it. He finally found what he was longing for."

"That is, until everything else fell apart."

He massaged the jet black hair and recalled all those horrible memories.

"It was hard for him to trust people after that. They all went to separate schools after middle school. The boy thought that his life would just go back to the monotonous cycle it was originally in. He thought that he was better off himself."

Midorima swallowed back a sob.

"Until... Until he met this really annoying brat."

Takao giggled, but the tears sliding down his cheeks did not escape Midorima's eyes.

"He was frivolous, everything that came out of his mouth was absurd, and the boy hated him for his unusual cheerfulness."

He could see his friend's eyes slowly closing, but he continued nonetheless, knowing that Takao wouldn't want him to stop.

"It's funny really, how that hate turned to a pleasant feeling as months passed by. His self-proclaimed friend never left his side, whether in or out of the court. Even though it looked like he was being made into a slave, he willingly helped the boy find his lucky items and ride him around in a stupid rickshaw. Good days, bad days, that self-proclaimed friend of his was the remaining constant in his life. Until one day, the boy finally admitted to himself that he considered the annoying boy his friend."

This time, Midorima finally released the tears he was holding. Takao didn't hold back either: the tears kept running down his face. Whether the tears were from pain or Midorima's story, the green-haired boy didn't know.

He didn't want to know.

Takao, I..." He bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. "I-"

"I'm sorry." Midorima was cut off by Takao's words.

 _What?_

"What are you saying? You have nothing to apologize for! I should be the one saying sorry! I've always been selfish. All this time I was only thinking of myself, ignoring how the others felt! How _you_ felt! Even though you were always there for me I..."

Takao shushed him. "Shin-chan, it's okay." The pained boy held his friend's hand. "It's okay..."

"I-I'm so sorry... T-Takao..." Midorima could see the life in his friend's eyes slowly fading away. He knew that the end is near, that this is the last time he'd see his friend alive.

They both knew that this is the last time they'll see each other.

* * *

 _They were two months away from graduation._

 _There was excitement, but Midorima and Takao wouldn't deny that there's also sadness, especially for Midorima._

 _For three years, they have always been together. They've been facing life like in a three-legged race: moving forward together, falling, but rising again._

 _It pains him to think that they'll be separated._

 _"Shin-chan, you plan to go to The University of Tokyo, too?!" Takao exclaimed once he saw his friend's form._

 _Midorima's eyes widened. "Don't tell me..."_

 _"Waah, Shin-chan, fate doesn't want us to part, hahaha- OW!" Takao was interrupted by a rather painful smack on the head. He looked up, about to protest, but was speechless when he saw Midorima grinning._

 _"So if you pass, I need to endure you AGAIN for my whole university days?"_

 _Takao gave a mischievous grin of his own. "Sounds fun. Wait, why don't we celebrate? Let's go get ice cream!"_

 _"That's ridiculous. Why do we even need to-WOAH!"_

 _Takao dragged his friend all the way to his favorite ice cream shop, expecting to have fun. They talked for hours, not really minding the time. When they already felt like going home, they silently exited the shop._

 _"Shin-chan..."_

 _"Hmm?"_

 _Takao looked confused and pointed at something from above. "What's that?"_

 _When Midorima looked up to where Takao was pointing, he felt dread._

 _White particles that looked like snow came from above. He noticed all the people also looking up, talking and whispering._

 _"I don't know..." he muttered._

 _Takao tightened his hold around his bag and faced Midorima. "M-Maybe we should-"_

 _A sound of something hitting the asphalt reached their ears, followed by a woman's scream. A middle-aged man lay on the floor. The adults who were walking around started vomiting._

 _The teenage boys were horrified as the people gradually fell one by one. Ugly sounds filled the air._

 _Midorima was horrified, but he instinctively grabbed Takao's collar and stepped backward to take shelter under the roof of the entrance of the ice cream shop._

 _The white particles continued to fall._

* * *

 _A biological weapon. That's what they called the white particles. Once the substance enters people's systems, they will experience pain and vomiting and will slowly die if not given a cure. Teenagers, however, are unaffected._

 _"××××××××× has waged war. They intend to make all the adults sick so that when they attack, our nation will fall. Because of the first biological attack, many adults, including the people from the military are sick and are unable to fight. Therefore, will have to get people age 16-20 to engage in war."_

* * *

 _On the day of their departure, their parents did nothing but cry. Midorima's mom hugged him tightly. "You don't deserve this. You kids don't deserve this! This- Son, I-I'm sorry!" Midorima returned the hug as tightly as he could and made a promise that he'll return._

 _Takao's parents wouldn't let go of him. "Mom, dad, I-" He did his best not to cry. "I need to go," he said gently. "Please come back alive. Please," his mom said, begged, in between sobs. Takao just nodded and kissed his parents goodbye before being dragged away by the military._

* * *

 _Let's make a promise," Midorima said just before they engage in the war that would surely change their nation and their lives._

 _The ebony-haired boy laughed. "That's not like you. So, what is this promise?"_

 _"Promise me that you'll live, and I, in return, would also vow that I'll do my best to return alive."_

 _Midorima held out his hand with an outstretched pinky finger._

 _"Shin-chan, is that what I think it is?"_

 _"Shut up and promise."_

 _Takao stared at the hand for seconds until he eventually interlocked his pinky finger with Midorima's. "I promise, Shin-chan. I promise to return alive."_

 _"I promise to return alive as well. We'll still go to university together, right?"_

 _Takao squeezed his pinky. "Right."_

* * *

"I'm sorry I couldn't-" Takao coughed up blood. Midorima didn't want to look anymore. He just wanted to be shut in his own world again. But he couldn't.

He wouldn't dare avert his gaze from one of the dearest people in his life.

"C-Couldn't keep our promise."

This time, it was Midorima's turn to tell Takao that it's okay.

 _"It's okay, Takao..."_ He wiped the tears from the smaller boy's face, but the tears wouldn't stop. "It's okay, you don't have to worry anymore," he said in his most reassuring, although broken, voice.

Midorima didn't want to prolong Takao's misery anymore.

"It's okay now. _Your_ Shin-chan's gonna be okay. You can rest now."

He tried to put all the memories and the friendship they had into that one smile.

"Thank you for everything, Kazunari."

Takao's smile, the smile that pulled him from the depths of the darkness, was still the most beautiful.

"Anything for my Shin-chan."

* * *

Man Proposes, God Disposes, he lived his life by that saying.

But Midorima didn't really believe in God.

It's more like he entrusts everything to fate.

After all, God didn't really answer his prayers. He prayed countless times before, but they were never granted.

Until he met Takao.

 _Maybe it's okay to believe now_ , he thought. _Maybe there really is a God_.

But now that his dearest best friend lay dead on his arms from a barrage of bullets, he lost all the courage to believe in God, let alone anything anymore.

 _He's tired of believing._

* * *

An enemy soldier saw Midorima in the distance, and prepared to shoot him, but when he saw what the boy was cradling in his arms, he slowly dropped down his weapon and turned away, eyes glistening with tears.

 _This has to stop._

* * *

 **Readers** : *holding different kinds of weapons* WHY DID YOU DO THIS?!

 **Katcchan** : I didn't want to do this! I swear, Takao is my adorable baby I didn't want to do this!

 **Readers** : *surrounding Katcchan* BUT YOU STILL DID IT!

 **Katcchan** : I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! (Sakurai style) *raises hands in surrender*


	2. Chapter 2: Acceptance

**A/N: There Is No God was the first one-shot I posted in ffnet. Honestly, I didn't expect much from it, so I was really elated of your positive reviews of the fic. Since some of you wanted another chapter, here's a gift for you. Enjoy.**

* * *

"Shintarou... I'll... I'll just leave the food here, okay?" Midorima's mother said softly from the other side of the door. After calling him so many times, begging him to come out, his mother eventually gave up and left him.

Midorima appreciated his mother's understanding, but he couldn't do anything just yet. His mind was too blank with grief he couldn't function.

In the end, the odds sided with Japan. The enemy nation may have killed some of their countrymen with the germ warfare- only some, since the others were given the injections in time -but Japan made a counterattack of its own along with the army of soldiers they sent. The enemy nation retreated, leaving Japan victorious.

But along the cries of cheer and victory came cries of grief and loss.

This was the aftermath of every war. Regardless of whether you win or not, both nations suffer damage. Both nations have family and friends grieving over the dead. Both nations lose people who are irreplaceable and precious to them.

Midorima didn't know that he'll see and feel such grief in his own lifetime.

* * *

 _"Shin...tarou? Is that you, son?" Midorima's father slowly made his way to the greenette who hung his head low. He cupped Midorima's cheeks with his two hands, and after confirming that it was really his son, he gave him a bone-crushing hug._

 _"Shintarou!" Said boy's father sobbed in relief._

 _After the trains with the soldiers came back, their family and friends came rushing to them like a tidal wave, resulting to many people falling down the platform. Thankfully, they were rescued before the trains stopped._

 _The teenagers were crying as they got to hug their parents again. Some were still looking bewildered finding for their parents. Every teenage soldier displayed some kind of emotion, whether relief happiness, or worry, but there was one, only one, who stayed on the side, unmoving._

 _And that was Midorima._

 _"Your mother showed symptoms of having contact with the germs so I escorted her to the hospital to be quarantined. She's safe now, thankfully..." His father looked happy and relieved, but when he saw Midorima's blank eyes and expression, he immediately got worried and placed both his hands on his son's shoulders._

 _"What is wrong? Are you hurting somewhere?" He scanned his son for possible injuries, wincing as his eyes gazed upon the nasty cuts and bruises, but there weren't any major wounds._

 _"Shintarou?"_

 _Silence._

 _Suddenly, realization hit Mr. Midorima like cold water. He felt dread pooling inside his stomach. He didn't want to ask, didn't want to know, but it was for the better if he did._

 _"Where is your friend, Shintarou?"_

 _A jolt._

 _Mr. Midorima's eyes widened as he looked at his son clenching his fists so tightly and biting his lip hard enough to draw blood out. The thick frame of his now cracked glasses hooded Midorima's eyes, but the tears streaming down his face gave him away._

 _Mr. Midorima felt heartbreak upon seeing his son looking so remorseful and hopeless. He wanted to tell him that it was not his fault, that Takao is in a better place now, but no sound came from his mouth._

 _Instead, amidst the thousand voices, both from relief and crying in the cramped space, a scream resonated through the crowd. And possibly through both of their hearts, since they knew who owned such voice._

 _"No, I don't believe you! Kazunari is not dead! My son is not dead! Show him to me!" Takao's mother screamed at the top of her lungs. Some of the people turned quiet and looked at the direction of the wailing woman with sympathy in their eyes._

 _"We are sorry." The soldier who told Takao's mother everything bowed low, to show respect for his fallen comrade. "He was under my unit. I have failed as a leader, I'm sorry."_

 _Takao's father also bowed at the man. "You have nothing to apologize for," he said in a soft voice. His lips trembled as he muttered a silent 'thank you' to the man. The soldier nodded slowly before going away._

 _"Kazunari! I know you're here! Please show yourself to me!" Takao's mother pushed people away in search of his now dead son. Some willingly gave her space because that was what she needed. Other people cried harder upon seeing the woman so desperate, so broken. They also lost important people to them after all._

 _Mr. Takao ran after his wife, and hugged her from behind, trying to stop her. He tried to whisper words to her ears, but it won't comfort her. She still believed that Takao was alive._

 _Mr. Midorima felt his eyes get a little teary as he watched the whole thing. He turned to his son to hug him, but when he looked back to Midorima, he was already heading to the direction of his best friend's parents._

 _"Mido...rima-kun...?" Takao's mother said in between cries and gasps of air. She grasped Midorima's collars, and looked up at him with a desperate smile. "Have you seen my baby Kazunari? I can't see him, maybe he is lost..."_

 _Mr. Takao was already crying, and made no move to stop Mrs. Takao. He entrusted the explaining to Midorima, hoping that his wife won't deny anything anymore._

 _The green-haired Miracle held the woman's hands with his own._

 _"Your son died protecting me. I was about to get hit by an enemy soldier, but your son shoved me out of the way and took the bullets for me... Takao died in my own arms. I am so sorry. I know that what I did was unforgivable, I am very sorry." Midorima wiped the tears from his eyes, but it had no use. No amount of tears could equal the grief he was feeling._

 _"You can hit me, punish me in any way you see fi-" Midorima was interrupted by the silent sobbing of the woman who was now kneeling on the ground._

 _"Kazunari...! My baby, Kazunari... Kazunari... Kazunari...!" The woman wailed, repeating her son's name again and again like a mantra._

 _Midorima's eyes widened. He needed punishment. He desired to be hit, kicked, burned to the ground until he was reduced to ashes. Those things hurt a thousand times less than seeing the parents of the best friend he had failed -he had_

 _killed- mourning over their loss._

 _"Please," the tall boy said desperately. "Please... I-"_

 _"It's not your fault."_

 _Mr. Takao reached for him and hugged him so dearly like he was his own son. "It's not your fault. It was Kazunari who chose to protect you. Because you are his best friend. Because you are important to him. If I were in my son's shoes, I'll do the same for you."_

 _Midorima's lips trembled. "But I... I killed him, I..."_

 _The tighter hug he received told him everything he needed._

 _He stopped holding back and continued to cry._

* * *

 _ **From: Kise Ryouta**_

 _ **To: Midorima Shintarou**_

Midorimacchi, are you okay? I know it hurts. So much. Takaocchi was very important to you, and I'm sorry for your loss. I know that I always annoy you, but if you need someone to talk to, I'm just a text message or a phone call away, okay?

* * *

 ** _From: Aomine Daiki_**

 ** _To: Midorima Shintarou_**

Listen, I'm not good with things like comforting, but this fucking war stole very important people away from us, well not me, but you and the others. I won't tell you not to cry, I know you need that, but if I could be of assistance, I'm just here. At least remember that.

* * *

 ** _From: Murasakibara Atsushi_**

 ** _To: Midorima Shintarou_**

I am sorry to hear about Taka-chin, Mido-chin. I want to comfort you, but all I could do is eat and make sweets. If you feel like it, I'll bring you some next time. Just call.

* * *

 ** _From: Akashi Seijuurou_**

 ** _To: Midorima Shintarou_**

I am well aware that you are the most devastated one out of all of us, Shintarou. Kazunari holds a special place in your heart. You have changed for the better since you have met him. I know you are still hurting, but remember that Kazunari wouldn't want you to be like that for so long. If you have already calmed down a bit, we could go have dinner sometime.

* * *

 _ **From: Tetsuya Kuroko**_

 _ **To: Midorima Shintarou**_

Even though I only meet Takao-kun sometimes, he already became a dear friend of mine. My heart broke after hearing that Takao-kun passed away. But Midorima-kun, even though you act stubborn and unfriendly, I know that Takao-kun has already affected you so much. Takao-kun will always remain in your heart, so even if he is already gone, he will always stay with you. Remind yourself of that. Always.

If you need help, just message or call me. I'm sorry for your loss, Midorima-kun.

* * *

Midorima tried to reach the glass of water on his bedside, but because he had no strength left, he missed and fell to the ground. Making no move to go back to bed, he pulled the blankets and wrapped them around himself.

It was hot since he didn't turn on the air conditioner of his room. It was getting harder to breathe, but Midorima didn't mind.

The silence was what he needed.

There came a knock.

"Shintarou? Shintarou, you have a visitor," her mother said. Midorima didn't budge a single inch. Even if they were his friends, he wasn't ready yet. He gathered all of his voice to say that he needed to be alone but the words died out when his mother told him that his visitor was Takao's mother.

He stood up immediately. His knees felt weak like jelly, but he slowly made his way to open the door.

"You don't need to come out."

Midorima stopped.

"You could just sit back." The woman's voice was muffled, but it was evident in her voice that she was crying for days.

Midorima followed instructions and sat down, leaning on the door. The door was pushed in his direction a bit, and Midorima realized that Takao's mother was also leaning on the door.

A few seconds of silence passed by, then Mrs. Takao spoke.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted in front of you. It was incredibly childish," she apologized.

"No, it's okay," Midorima said softly, voice hoarse.

He heard the woman laugh a little bit before she continued.

"I kept on saying, repeating that Kazunari was still alive. That was stupid. Deep inside, I knew that he was already dead. I believed the soldier the moment he said that my son was gone. I believed, yet I didn't accept."

"It still hurts. It hurts so much that I think I won't be able to breathe anymore. But I have to keep going. For my family. For myself. Because if I don't, Kazunari would be sad."

"But it's okay to be still sad, right?"

Midorima nodded at first, but after realizing that the person on the other side couldn't see him, he spoke. "Yes."

"The wound is still fresh. I don't think I'll be able to go on soon. This is the problem with emotional wounds. They don't show any external wound, but they _slay_ us. Inflict us pain worse than being pricked by a thousand needles."

The tall boy silently agreed. He gripped the part of his shirt just in front of his heart. "It does."

"He had so many dreams, and what I wanted most was for him to fulfill those dreams. But they'll never be fulfilled anymore."

The greenette yanked his hair hard it could be uprooted any second. Takao had many dreams, he knew.

 _And he took those dreams away from him._

"A few days ago, I kept on asking God why He did this to me. Why He killed my son. I yelled, _screamed_ at Him to bring my son back."

Midorima stopped yanking his hair, surprised that Takao's mother thought of the same thing as him when he was in the battlefield.

"There was even one point when I believed that there was really no God. There was no one who would grant our prayers, grant our wishes. We ask Him for something, He doesn't give it. We ask Him not to take something away, He does."

"But then, I realized: nothing is permanent in this world. Not all dreams could be fulfilled, and not all things last forever. It has been like that since the world came to existence. I have no right to say that God does not exist. He has been there for a long time now, guiding us to who we are destined to be."

"Kazunari is in a better place now. Just thinking about that makes me happy. But..." She paused. "It's really unfortunate that he needed to go so early."

That was it. Tears flooded Midorima's eyes in a split second. He wiped the tears with the back of his hand, sniffled, and said, "I'm lucky to have met your son. It's only been three years, but those three years were one of the most happiest moments of my life.

Immediately after that, Mrs. Takao broke down.

"Thank you, Midorima-kun, thank you... I'm sure that the same goes for Kazunari. You two are partners, right?"

Midorima smiled. "Thank you."

The woman knocked on the door. "Thank you for listening to me."

"It was nothing," Midorima replied.

Something poked his hands. When he looked down, he saw a box being slid down under the door. He removed his hand so that the box could fully go in.

"That... That was made by Kazumi. She wanted you to have something to remember Takao by."

Kazumi. Takao's sister. Midorima wondered how she was doing now. He held the box with his two hands, placed it against his chest. "Please tell her 'thank you' for me."

"I will."

* * *

After the last of Takao's mother's steps were heard, Midorima slowly opened the box. Tears were threatening to fall again as he lifted a golden locket attached to a necklace with him and Takao's picture on it. It was one of many the pictures they took when they tried a sticker booth once, many months ago. He was happy when he saw himself slightly smiling on the picture.

Midorima thought that that was it, but then he saw a picture frame when he squinted at the box.

The picture frame had a picture of them in their basketball jerseys, shortly after winning the inter-high. Takao lifted his medal and the trophy, eyes sparkling and a smile splattered on his lips. It wasn't one of those shit-eating grins he usually gave. The smile was soft, genuine, purely from happiness. Midorima also gave a smile of his own.

Midorima couldn't imagine how his life would be if he hadn't met Takao, something he could easily do three years ago. He thought that he would always be alone, doing things all by himself, not giving a damn about the others.

But Takao taught him that people are only given one life, therefore, they should live everyday like it'll be their last. Takao taught him that there are more beautiful things to discover outside of his little world, things like trusting, believing, and what it really means to live.

And Midorima did just that.

During those three years, he started living for real, and he'll do the same many months and years from now.

* * *

"Midorima-san!" Said man smiled upon seeing his friend going towards him, carrying her child.

"Kazumi," Midorima acknowledged the woman. It had been ten years since Midorima last saw Takao's family. After his graduation, he didn't go to University of Tokyo as planned. He decided to study abroad for his course of Medicine. He came back ten years later, now a doctor.

He learned that Kazumi was married four years ago and had a son. They decided to meet at the park to learn how each other is doing, Kazumi temporarily representing the whole Takao family.

"That is him?" Midorima's gaze followed the child Kazumi put down.

The woman smiled brightly. "Yes," she said, patting the head of the little kid who took interest in hugging her leg. "Look, Shou-kun, it's the best friend of mama's big brother, Midorima Shintarou-san. Say hi."

Shou stared at Midorima for a second, then decided to hide behind her mother.

Kazumi laughed. "He's really shy the first time he meets people, but he gradually opens up." She pinched the cheek of his son who was still hiding behind her.

"That, or he might have been scared of me," Midorima said, voice laced with amusement. "May I give him a lollipop?"

"Sure."

Midorima kneeled and produced a big lollipop from his pocket. "Shou, Midorima-nii-san here has a lollipop. Do you want to have it?"

Only the child's head could be seen since the rest of his body was hidden behind Kazumi, but he looked like giving in to the temptation.

After a few seconds of hiding, the boy finally gave in and went to Midorima's direction and stopped in front of him, eyeing the lollipop.

Midorima opened the child's little palm and placed the lollipop on it.

"There-"

 _"Name."_

"Eh?"

Shou looked straight into his eyes.

"Name."

"Ah, my name. I am... Midorima Shintarou." Now that the man took a closer look at the boy, he noticed aside from the chubby cheeks the jet black hair parted at the middle and the big blue eyes as clear as the ocean. _He resembled..._

"He looks like Kazu-nii, doesn't he?" Kazumi said.

Midorima nodded. "I'm sure that he got the traits from you. You and your brother looked identical."

"Really?"

"Yes."

Kazumi laughed a little bit, and so did Shintarou. They only stopped when they heard the boy muttering something.

Midorima cocked his head to the side. "What is it?"

"Shin..."

"Go on."

"Shin... Shin-chan!" Shou said, as if making a declaration. "Your name! Shin-chan!"

 _Black hair, blue eyes, a bright smile as clear as the day..._

Midorima looked up and saw Kazumi sniffing, with a stray tear falling down her cheek. He felt his own eyes get a little dewy, so he closed his eyes and let himself calm down.

He then lifted up Shou in the air, the sun behind the boy's head making him look like an angel.

"Do you want to go to the swing?"

"Yes!"

The greenette looked at Kazumi for approval. The woman just smiled. "I'll just follow."

The child looked genuinely happy being carried by Midorima, Kazumi noticed. She was about to follow them when her eyes caught a flash of black just behind her. She then smiled.

 _Really..._

"We are doing just fine, Kazu-nii. We still miss you like crazy, but we are happy. Thank you for everything.

* * *

 _ **Black hair, blue eyes, a bright smile as clear as the day...**_

 _ **"Shin-chan!"**_

* * *

 **A/N: I realized myself that I also wanted to write some sort of sequel so *poof* here it is! I gotta admit that I teared up a little while writing this (at least, because of my imagination). I hope you enjoyed.**

 **~Katcchan**


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